I really enjoyed this article linked above because it touched upon many of the things I frequently feel. For instance, I know my friends mean well when they say “You’re not fat”. I also know that my friends are only trying to relate to me over statements that amount to self-loathing (“Ugh. Don’t you just hate your upper arms?”). However, neither of these activities are constructive and they both make assumptions that 1) Fat is a negative attribute and 2) that shared physical attributes that bother you about your appearance should bother me, too. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve done both those things, but it makes you think a little bit about how what you say effects others.
There’s all kinds of other goodies in that blog entry. It is just an all-around excellent read. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.